A Tale of Two Underwear

America has suffered more trying times and been faced with greater threats and more monumental challenges than we see today - the American Revolution, the Civil War, and Pearl Harbor come immediately to mind.  Those, however, were wars.  Other than actual shooting wars, the maelstrom of trouble we're in right now seems tough to top.

So, in keeping with the priority ethos of the mainstream media, let's talk about underwear.  The Sun brought us a provocative, but ephemeral, news item:

Michelle Obama has spent nearly £32,000 on sexy lingerie in one shopping spree, it was reported today... She took advantage of a private visit to one of the firm's New York stores alongside the Queen of Qatar, Sheikha Mozah, after part of the city's Madison Avenue was closed off to the public. Some of Agent Provocateur's vintage Hollywood glamour-style pieces sell for up to £900.

Now, let it be said that the White House vehemently denied the story.  The First Lady is said to receive a taxpayer-supplied clothing allowance of $4,000 per month, so while implausible, this kind of shopping spree isn't totally impossible.

Nothing against Michelle Obama personally - all First Ladies going back at least as far as Mrs. Lincoln have received a clothing budget; and, of course, the Obamas are millionaires many times over thanks to massive sales of his book to the gullible.  Truth be told, we'd gladly borrow and fork over the $50k ourselves if it would guarantee keeping the President fully occupied in the residential area of the White House for the remainder of his term.

Nevertheless, the White House screamed and the Fourth Estate withered.  Nothing remains of the original London Telegraph article making the claim save a lonely 404 error.

Why, then, has there been a years-long continual dripping of discussion of Mitt Romney's underwear, complete with Photoshop illustrations of what he and the missus look like in their skivvies?

It's a fact that devout Mormons, of whom Mitt Romney claims to be one, are required by their religion to wear special holy undies known as temple garments.  Like all former Presidents and presidential candidates of which we are aware (but, alas, not all Congressmen), Mr. Romney has never released photographs of himself in his unmentionables, so we can only speculate.  But oh, is the speculation rife!

Mr. Romney himself has steadfastly refused to comment on his choice of undergarments, distinguishing himself from President Clinton who proudly proclaimed his allegiance to whitey-tighties.  Mr. Clinton's choice to let it all hang out garnered no ridicule; Mr. Obama's regime demanded that the media shut up and up they shut.  Despite both their invisibility and irrelevance, Mr. Romney's shorts continue, as ever, to be legitimate news.

And some say there's no bias in the media!