Loch Ness Monster, Victim of Global Warming

Al Gore's green troops have long argued that rising global temperatures will have a terrific impact on ecosystems all over the world.  Since most plants and animals prefer to live in a given temperature range, climate patterns that alter the range will naturally change what wants to grow or live where.

In the transition (so the argument goes), there will be countless species who don't manage to up stakes and move in time, and thus pass into extinction.  Now comes reports of the very first such victim of global warming:  Nessie the Loch Ness Monster.

Robert Rines, perhaps the most experienced and best regarded of the many seekers of the beast, is planning to make one final expedition in search of proof before giving up.  Since 1971, he has pursued this chimera with uncommon vigor, making use of an array of sonar equipment, cameras, submersibles, and all manner of gadgetry that would do Jacques Cousteau proud.  It was he who took this well-known picture, supposedly of the Monster's flipper, in 1972.

Over the years, he has recorded hundreds of sonar contacts with "large, fast-moving objects" in the Loch.  Presumably, the Monster would cause such a contact.  But of late, these indications have fallen off.

Therefore, according to the Scottish Daily Record:

Despite having hundreds of sonar contacts over the years, the trail has since gone cold and Rines believes that Nessie may be dead, a victim of global warming.

He still wants to check almost 100 contacts on the floor of the loch, believing one may be the monster's remains.

Having been the butt of jokes for many decades, we should be prepared for the demise of the Loch Ness Monster to be taken with new seriousness now that it can be attributed to what has been called "the moral issue of our time," one worthy of no less than a Nobel Peace Prize.

Let us hope that the "problem" of climate change is addressed before Bigfoot, Sasquatch, the Yeti, and the 50-Ton Mile Long Giant Killer Octopus likewise pass into the realm of myth and legend.