Making the Addamses Great Again

They're creepy and they're kooky,
Mysterious and spooky,
They're altogether ooky,
The Addams Family!

In the Hollywood world of entertainment that goes eons between original ideas, it was inevitable that the family of macabre characters which New Yorker cartoonist Charles Addams created in 1938 would once again resume their accustomed place on the silver screen.  The Addams Family was old already when they first appeared in television's classic black-and-white era, and they've occupied a regular spot in pop culture ever since.  Right on schedule, they're back in theaters for Halloween.

It wouldn't be a modern Hollywood flick, no matter how trivial, if it didn't come bearing a leftist message with all the subtlety of an anvil dropped on your head.  Who are the Addamses' enemies?  That's right, none other than a blond, white, home-show tycoon who's developed a neighboring perfectly flawless "typical middle-class American" housing development for perfectly flawless people who all think and act the same way.  No kidding, they even name the town "Assimilation", in case you didn't get the pro-multiculturalism drift.

But as happens so frequently, the denizens of the land of fruits and nuts couldn't manage to put down their tokes long enough to get their message straight.  "Assimilation" may expect the same behavior of everyone, but it's as diverse chromatically as the dearest hope of the Democrats.  Indeed, in that respect it resembles not so much a real-world residential area as a college campus: every possible flavor of race and gender, but precisely one flavor of opinion allowed.  And - shock! - these are the bad guys!

The Addamses themselves are as unorthodox as they've always been, living in their own world where every night is Halloween and all dress and behave accordingly.  At the same time, though, they're staunchly independent thinkers who refuse to conform to the politically-correct world outside their doors regardless of the pressure applied to them.

They homeschool their children!  The parents are happily, not to say rapturously, married to each other without the slightest thought of straying, and they adore their own natural children produced jointly - as well as their own natural parents who clearly did the same.  You could hardly find a more blatant, in-your-face display of traditional family values.  It's right up there with Duck Dynasty.

What's more, even in the great state of Texas you'd be hard-pressed to find a family of Americans more enthusiastic about enjoying every jot and tittle of their Second Amendment rights from the earliest possible age.  You name a death-dealing weapon short of a nuke, the Addamses not only have one ready to hand but are well versed in its usage and amply provided with ammo.

And this extended family, whose lives are ostentatiously based on traditional values albeit untraditional trappings, are the heroes!  What could Hollywood have been thinking?  Did they perhaps cast their political leanings aside for a moment in order to make money?

They even get the opportunity to demonstrate to all in attendance exactly why your Second Amendment rights are so important to one and all.  In these politically-correct, intersectional times, you never know when an angry mob enraged by lying propaganda will attack, not only to strip you of your own private property, but also remove your children whom you are raising according to your strongly-held but unpopular beliefs.  Our Founders would stand up and cheer, once they got past the disturbing seance scenes.

Indeed, on the subject of children: while the Addams' style of child-rearing is, to put it mildly, unorthodox, it's visibly more loving than anything shown in Assimilation.  Son Pugsley has his differences with his father, but the mutual love and, ultimately, respect are overpowering.  Wednesday's teenage rebellion lasts only until her family needs her; from that moment, she's wholly back on-side.

In contrast, the chief villain's daughter Parker befriends the initially lonely Wednesday and gets nothing but grief of the worst kind from her domineering single mother Margeaux, who clearly couldn't care less that she even has a daughter except when she's useful on TV.  Parker attends the ultimate wretched hive of scum and villainy - the local public junior high school, loathingly portrayed as such.  The movie doesn't even resolve her problems; we're left assuming that Parker moves in with the loving if oddball Addamses, abandoned by her beauty-is-only-skin-deep natural mother and entirely offscreen divorcee father.

To sum up: doubtless without the slightest idea what they were doing, the filmmakers lavishly depicted exactly why every policy and every idea on the Left is wrong.  Individuals need to be free to make their own choices, to be left alone, and not to impose their beliefs or political orthodoxy on others.  Children need both a father and a mother - who love and care for them and for each other - to thrive.  Packing children into a government-run institution merely makes them ready to be institutionalized, to the greater glory of the bureaucracy.

And most of all, there's no bottomless well of love like an intact extended natural family.  How would Hollywood even know that?  They've never so much as seen one there! Or are there closet family proponents embedded in their midst, in the very heart of global debauchery?

Now that truly would be a nightmare - for Hollywood, but not for anyone else!