Al Qaeda, and Scragged, Hit Bottom

Wherein we offer no article, but a great many titles.

CBS News reports:

Al Qaeda has developed a new tactic that allows suicide bombers to breach even the tightest security... Taking a trick from the narcotics trade - which has long smuggled drugs in body cavities - Asieri had a pound of high explosives, plus a detonator inserted in his rectum.

This was a meticulously planned operation with al Qaeda once again producing something new: this time, the Trojan bomber.  [emphasis added]

And the BBC dryly finishes the tale:

Miraculously the prince survived with minor injuries, but footage emerging this week shows a sizeable crater in the concrete floor and the bomber's body blown in half.

It is believed the force of the blast went downwards which is why only the bomber died.  [emphasis added]

Most Scragged articles begin with a news event which triggers a suitably eye-catching title.  Exactly what counts as eye-catching is the subject of considerable internal debate which all are welcome to join in the comments section.  This story was no exception in that the editorial discussions produced a veritable avalanche of potential titles.

But to our frustration, our discussions didn't produce an actual article.  Whatever there was to say about this latest affray in world affairs tended to be captured pithily within each title itself.  Besides, most of the obvious talking points have already been said elsewhere.

Instead of attempting to squeeze harder, therefore, we figured it would be a better use of our time simply to post all the titles we could think of.  Here are a few of ours; add your own in the comments area.

Prince Nayef and the Case of the Exploding Anus

The Wrecking Rectum

Suicide Bomber Sticks Weapon Where Head Usually Resides

Good Reason Found for Gays in the Military

Al Qaeda Plan Backfires

Al Qaeda Achieves Liftoff

Bin Laden Acolyte Packs Semtex, Not Fudge

Suicide Bomber Gives "Up Yours!" New Meaning

Trojan Bomber Misses Target

IED: Inserted Explosive Device

The Terrorist Suppository Threat

When Suppositories are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Suppositories

Blow It Out Your .....

The Recto-Weapon Inversion


When Ya Gotta Go, Ya Gotta Go!

Ignite, Sweet Prince, and Flights of Virgins Bear Thee to Thy Rest!

Who Flung Dung?

It Doesn't Always Hit The Fan

Al Qaeda Obtains Weapons of Ass Destruction

Muslim Fundamentalist Threat in the Fundament

Mecca, We Have Liftoff!

Al Qaeda Operative Rips Himself A New One

Emergency Bulk Order of Rubber Gloves for TSA

Meanwhile, the Prince's security detail is hard at work devising new defenses.  As for the rest of us, well, we'll just have to fly by the seat of our pants and hope it all comes out OK.

Petrarch is a contributing editor for Scragged.  Read other articles by Petrarch or other articles on Foreign Affairs.
Reader Comments
"Al Qaeda Obtains Weapons of Ass Destruction"

September 30, 2009 8:40 AM
Did you hear about the al Qaeda terrorist imprisoned in Guantanamo who tried to escape using a butt-bomb? He ended his sentence with a semi-colon.
September 30, 2009 8:50 AM
Best comment I've seen: "Is this a case of an asshole trying to blow up an asshole by shoving something up his asshole? Which will result in absurd security measures designed and carried out by assholes?"
September 30, 2009 9:20 AM
A case of Anus Interuptus
September 30, 2009 9:34 AM
Does this mean that we're now going to be required to have a cavity searches when we go to the airport?
September 30, 2009 9:48 AM
Does he yell, "Fire in the Hole"?
September 30, 2009 10:37 AM
@ Bob Smith

HA!! Brilliant.
September 30, 2009 10:48 AM
A few of the titles expose a certain disgust and disdain which others espouse regarding sexual identity and religion: and we wonder why the world is seemingly so discordant
Don't hate, expectorate~!
September 30, 2009 1:13 PM
Yeah, I think it's pretty fair to say that I hold the religious beliefs that motivate Osama bin Laden and his minions in disgust and disdain. If you don't, something's badly wrong with your conscience.
September 30, 2009 2:00 PM
agree with irvn. No need to espouse homosexual hate at the same time.
September 30, 2009 6:16 PM
And now, latest reports say that the Prince is denying the terrorist had the bomb up his butt - it was just in his skivvies, they say. Will they ever crack this case?
September 30, 2009 7:47 PM
The last instruction should read....''Squeeze cheeks before pulling detonator cord'.
October 7, 2009 11:09 AM
I have a vague memory of seeing an official looking poster of instructions what to do in case of nuclear attack. Didn't it go something like, "Bend down and clutch your knees. Then reach your head up and kiss your ass goodbye." or something like that?
October 7, 2009 4:35 PM
Concerning Title #4
Anyone who has actually been under fire knows that it isn't who your backup makes it with, but rather how much of a warrior he is. That's what will let you see another sunrise.

The rest of you are a bunch of leaches that live off the blood of the fallen.

May you live a long and fruitful life. Long enough to bury all your children.
October 29, 2009 9:05 PM

Was it caused by a sphincter cell?

December 9, 2010 8:35 PM
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