As all the world now knows, Chicago will not host the 2012 Olympic Games. That honor, and the bill, goes instead to Rio de Janeiro.
This would not ordinarily be a major political issue; it would appear on the front page of the sports section, then pass into the background until Spring 2012. Not this time, though.
For none other than His Ethereal Oneness, Barack Hussein Obama, Citizen of the World, President of the United States, and Definer of All Things Good deigned to give royal audience to the International Olympic Committee in an impassioned plea that they grant the games to his adoptive hometown.
All through last years election, America's voters were subjected to a constant drumbeat of how Chimpy McBushitler had destroyed our nation's image in the eyes of the world. Elect Mr. Obama, we were told, and suddenly all would be rainbows and unicorns, with dictators and democrats alike rushing to bow down before the living proof of American moral supremacy.
Thus far, it does not seem to have worked out that way. The Iranians are still building a bomb and they still won't talk to us. Kim Jong Il is still playing the shell game at the diplomatic table. Libya's Ghaddafi has actually backslidden into his old habits; Chavez was pleased to find that the UN no longer smelled of brimstone from Devil Bush's presence, but continues to clamp down on press freedoms in his domain; and, of course, Castro's political prisoners still languish in the same old prisons. Nothing's changed.
But surely the pacific, socialist nations of Old Europe who run the IOC will be entranced and enthralled as predicted? This week presented the first opportunity for proof - after all, Chicago is a major city and there's no particular reason why it shouldn't get the Games. It has its good side and bad side, just like anywhere else.
Nope. Not only did Chicago not win the prize, it got a big ol' slap in the face - minutes after Mr. Obama's presentation, Chicago was booted out of the running in the very first round with the fewest votes of any contender.
What could possibly have brought about this shocking event, so startling that an audible gasp arose from the eager audience of the Great and the Good who first heard the announcement?
Well, in keeping with the example set by Nancy Pelosi, Jimmy Carter, Janeane Garofalo, Maureen Dowd, Keith Olbermann, and countless other famous and powerful people, let's take a quick look at this photograph. Here we see the two individuals who pled the cases for their respective cities: Barack Obama (fittingly) on the left, and President Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva of Brazil on the right. One the winner, the other the loser. Why?
Can you see it? Look a little more closely...
Of course! Barack Obama was disrespected and spurned in favor of a white man.
The International Olympic Committee must be racist! After all, what other reason could there possibly be to resist the entreaties of such greatness?
The only reason anyone would resist Obamacare, we are told, is racism; indeed, that's the only possible reason for any disagreement with Mr. Obama. He asked for something; he didn't get it. Racists!
The point raised by Syed Shahid Ali, the IOC member for Pakistan, about the "pretty harrowing experience" of many foreign visitors to the United States had nothing to do with it - and, in any case, rather than explain exactly why the US might perhaps not welcome certain Pakistanis and other Muslims with open arms, Mr. Obama waxed eloquent
...that America, at its best, is open to the world.
Too true! Woe for the millions of illegal immigrants who've taken advantage of that fact and will now not be working on major Olympic construction projects in Chicago.
The millions of black residents of Rio de Janeiro who now will benefit from the IOC's decision? Nobody cares about them. Anyway, according to Obama's henchman David Axelrod, not sending the Olympics to Chicago, well:
It's the world's loss.
Shame about the late Chicago resident Derrion Albert - he'd have been safer in Rio.