The Rats of San Francisco
Political broad comedy.
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Tools:
A tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, "How much for the bronze rat?"
"Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat, $100 for the story," said the old Chinaman.
The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. "I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story".
As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster. A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward the Bay. Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay. Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat, and were all drowned.
The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown. "Ahhh," said the owner, "You have come back for story?"
"No." said the man, "I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat."
This is, admittedly, not Scragged's customary fare - but it's a joke we hadn't previously seen and thought deserved wider notice.
Do you think Scragged should offer up unusual or particularly pointed political humor, or create an archive of political jokes? Post your thoughts in the comments - as well as any political jokes you think ought to be shared.
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What does Chinese history have to teach America that Joe Biden doesn't know?
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam going into downtown Chicago. Nothing Is Moving north or south. Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened, what's the hold Up?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Barack Obama, Hillary Clinton, Oprah Winfrey, Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, Rosie O’Donnell, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 Million ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "On average, how much is everyone giving?"
"About a gallon."
Black kid's getting fired. "You're firin' me 'cause I'm black!" he yells.
"No, I hired you 'cause you're black. I'm firin' you 'cause you're useless."
A biker is riding by the zoo, when he sees a little girl leaning into the lion's cage. Suddenly, the lion grabs her by the cuff of her jacket and tries to pull her inside to slaughter her, under the eyes of her screaming parents.
The biker jumps off his bike, runs to the cage and hits the lion square on the nose with a powerful punch. Whimpering from the pain, the lion jumps back letting go of the girl, and the biker brings her to her terrified parents, who thank him endlessly.
A New York Times reporter has seen the whole scene, and addressing the biker, says, "Sir, this was the most gallant and brave thing I saw a man do in my whole life."
"Why, it was nothing, really, the lion was behind bars. I just saw this little kid in danger, and acted as I felt right."
"Well, I'll make sure this won't go unnoticed. I'm a journalist from the New York Times, you know, and tomorrow's paper will have this on the first page. What motorcycle do you ride and what political affiliation do you have?"
"A Harley Davidson and I am a Republican."
The journalist leaves.
The following morning the biker buys The New York Times to see if it indeed brings news of his actions, and reads, on first page:
*REPUBLICAN BIKER GANG MEMBER ASSAULTS AFRICAN IMMIGRANT AND STEALS HIS LUNCH*
OK, so you voted for him to prove you weren't racist. Next time, vote for someone else to show you aren't stupid.
Political Broad Comedy: Any joke involving Hillary Clinton.
@Brother John - you are right, so post one or two.